These are my top reasons why you shouldn’t watch Ra.One. If, inspite of reading this (and a billion other reviews) you still choose to go watch it, I only want to say one thing, Suicide is a criminal offence.

  1. It is an obnoxious mix of Spy Kids, Iron Man, Speed, Wolverine, Kill Bill, Matrix, Batman and a couple dozen more superhero flicks.
  2. It is at once offensive to women, South Indians, African Americans, Chinese, Japanese, Fat people, gay people and Rajnikanth (it’s like SRK set out with a checklist of people to piss off!)
  3. The film has no identifiable plot. It is a series of random scenes strung together to create a pretty juvenile story.
  4. Every 3 and a half minutes later, the film breaks into a ‘science class’ of sorts where some character (with coolio animation and all) tries to explain to you how to decipher the rest of the film. Yes, they actually tell you! There’ll be demos and long lectures about sciency jazz thats way too complicated to understand anyway. And you had better pay attention because there are some crazy permutations and combinations by which Ra.One and G.One (don’t get me started on that one!) can kill each other. Without all this crucial information, the whole movie is as messed up as the noodles + curd  combo (yech!) that SRK wolfs down all the time.
  5. And let’s not even get started on the ‘logic’ of the film. For example, this apparent supervillian, who’s smarter than all mankind, while on his quest to find his nemesis, Lucifer, actually goes around asking (!) every person he meets if their name is Lucifer. Now this coming from a guy who can apparently read/alter other people’s thoughts, scan all the people of an entire city sitting on some high-rise building and is also some kind of shape-shifter to boot.
  6. The dialogues are, to say the least, cringe-worthy. Yes, they’re cheesy, they rhyme and they sound like they’re ripped off from a 90s B-grade Bollywood flick.
  7. If you tolerate all of the above and manage to sit through the film, the ending (spoiler alert!), you’re bound to be thoroughly disappointed. There’s hardly a climax where you almost want the supervillian not to die just so that there can be some more action and you have one last chance to get your money’s worth. But all it takes is one lame gunshot for this apparently invincible supervillian to explode into a gazillion little cubes!

Arjun Rampal is the only good part of the film, but even the 20 odd minutes (think he would be on screen more given that he is the title character!) that you see him are not worth spending all the other time grappling with what is rightly touted as SRK’s most expensive midlife crises. So honestly, save yourself the effort, the money and all that sheer stupidity that is Ra.One.

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